Confessions of a Fantasy Cooler

There Shoeless Joe was, happily minding his own business on a return trip on the Acela train last night. Without a high-speed Internet connection or TV (would it kill Amtrak to offer Wifi?), he was forced to follow the Dice-K/King Felix matchup via his cell phone's broke Web browser and periodic update phone calls from his league's commish. He finally arrived home just in time for Felix to take the mound in the 8th inning after mowing down the Red Sox lineup— upstaging Dice K's Fenway debut with a no-hitter through seven innings. Shoeless Joe was very excited to make it home to possibly witness history. You can guess what happens next. Literally 20 seconds after settling into the cozy confines of the couch, JD Drew had broken up the no-no with a sharp single into center field on Felix’s first pitch of the 8th inning. Good news is that Felix’s pitching line was still uber-studly for fantasy purposes — the win, a microscopic WHIP, zero earned runs, 6 K’s, and a partridge in a pear tree. But that no-no would have been historic for the just barely legal to drink King Felix. And yea, Shoeless Joe does feel partly responsible. Which got him thinking. How many other times had he played the part of the cooler for his fantasy players or sports teams? It seems that his players and teams do better when he follows them less. Perhaps Shoeless Joe should join the wife for America’s Next Top Model instead of stressing out over Todd Helton’s latest at-bat. And by the way, that Felix guy has some silly stuff. He’s a lot of fun to watch. Reminds you of another slightly portly pitcher by the name of Fernando who also took the league by storm at a very young age. Shoeless Joe grabbed Felix in the 8th round with the 93rd pick in a 12-team 5x5 league. Last year he was the 26th pick. Looks like this is the year he fulfills last year’s hype. Of course, if that last paragraph didn’t just jinx him.